Still Struggling...

In my last post I told you that I was stuck. I've just had a really hard time since the beginning of the year. I had a couple of weeks where I just ate whatever I wanted and rarely exercised. Then I tried to get it back together and ended up losing the few pounds that I had gained. But ever since then, I have been stuck at this one weight. I know that I've got to do something different than what I've been doing and I also know that I've got to be more consistent with my eating. One of my problems right now is that I eat great about 5 days a week but I indulge a little too much about 2 days a week. Here lately, I've also been having days where no matter what I eat I can't seem to fill up. I am constantly hungry though out the day. And not just the I'm bored so I think I'm hungry. I'm talking that my stomach hurts and I feel sick because I'm so hungry. It's just plain weird.

Last week, I had a really bad day where I couldn't shake the negative feelings about my body. I had worked very hard the week before, upping my exercise and eating well consistently for all 7 days and the scale did not reward me. Once I gave in to those negative feelings, my emotions were all over the place and the negative feelings took root in other areas of my life. I no longer felt bad just about my weight and my body but about many other things. Luckily I have some great friends who encouraged me and gave me some sound advice and I was able to push those negative thoughts out and replace them with better ones.

I'm still struggling. I am so sick of the scale. At times the temptation is there to throw in the towel and give in. I'm not perfect. I don't have this figured out. But I do know that I've come too far to quit. I feel like if I can lose the next five pounds and get out of the slump that I am in that I will be able to focus better and continue on. But right now, I am stressed about the scale and maybe that's the problem. I've always been a stress eater. It's a struggle to eat healthy when I'm stressed. I still crave a big, greasy, sloppy hamburger when I feel that way. So I'm going to do some things differently. It will be trial and error until I can figure this out. I may end up gaining weight (I hope not) trying to figure it out but I've got to find something that works for me and soon.

The first thing that I am going to do is retire the scale...for two weeks. I weighed this morning so that I would have a true starting weight but after that I'm going to resist the temptation to step on it. I have to remember that I am not defined by a number on a scale. Yes, the scale is a measuring stick on how well I am doing with my healthy living and yes, I still have weight to lose so I'm going to need that scale but it's time for the two of us to take a break.

Secondly, I've contacted the head of personal training at my gym. I gave him a brief background on myself and what I am looking for and I'm waiting to hear back from him. I may not be able to afford any personal training at this time but I am hoping to get some advice and a little help from a professional.

Third, I've got to get over some fears. The gym can be intimidating. I'm a people watcher so don't give me that crap that nobody is paying any attention to me because I'm sure that I'm not the only person that goes to the gym and watches other people. There is also the fear of failure AND the fear of success. I'm sure you can understand why the fear of failure is there but success, really? Yes, what happens if I succeed? What happens if I get to my goal weight? Will I be able to maintain? What if I slip up and gain weight back? It's time to stop being afraid. Easier said than done though, right?

And fourthly, I've got to do some serious tweaking to my diet. I am hoping to get some advice on this when I sit down with the trainer at the gym. I've never been one to count calories. I hated counting points when I was doing Weight Watchers online a few years ago. I like things to be simple and easy but I may have to get over what I want and do what I need to do.

Living a healthy lifestyle is NOT easy. It's seriously one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I've had to change so much about my life. It's all been worth it and the truth is that even though it's been hard, I've enjoyed it. My friend Clara who recently had an epiphany about her weight loss journey and the plateau she had been experiencing likes to use this quote and I find it very appropriate:

CHOOSE YOUR HARD.

Peace,  Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica