Is This Really My Life?

Is this really my life?

That's the question I keep asking myself lately.

Knowing something is a reality and being prepared for that reality are two totally different things.

I feel like my life has been a series of changes for the last couple of years. Some of them I've dealt with better than others. While my husband struggled with what he was supposed to do with his life, we picked up and moved 4 states away. Those plans fell through and we found ourselves stuck in a place we didn't really care for and my husband with a job he didn't really like. Another move across town and we finally settled into a church and I felt happy once again. I made friends. My husband on the other hand, was miserable. And I'm not using that word lightly. It got so bad that I finally had enough and told him that he needed to figure out what it was that he wanted to do with his life. At that point I no longer cared what it was, I just knew that he needed a change and he needed one quick. We'd argued and fought about him joining the military for at least eight years. I was totally against it and threatened and whined and acted like a toddler throwing a tantrum anytime the topic was broached. You can read more about that here. At this point, I knew in my heart that this was the direction we were headed and let him know that if that was what he decided that I was behind him all the way.

Last year, I became an Army wife. He went to training for about 7 months and Abigail and I moved back to Florida to be near my family. It was a hard time but we got through it and I've never been more proud of my husband. Our little family has been back together now for about 6 months, living and breathing the day to day military life. There have been moments and days of frustration learning this new life but all in all, I still say it was the best move for our family, and it's all worth it knowing and seeing that my husband is happy and loves what he does.

When your spouse joins the military at at time when we've been at war for 12 years, you go in with your eyes open, knowing that deployment is in your future. But, like I said earlier, knowing something is a reality and being prepared for that reality are two totally different things. And from a few seasoned military wives that I've talked to, you can never really be prepared. You just do what you have to do. Doing what I have to do is the only thing that has kept me sane in the last couple of weeks and it's the only thing keeping me sane right now. My life is about to change drastically once again. As I prepare to send my husband to war, I know there are no guarantees. We've prepared for it as much as we possibly can. All of our "affairs" are in order and there is a chain of responsibility in the event of the worst case scenario. Things like that are not easy to think about and plan for but you do what you have to do, right?

The question comes to mind once again. Is this really my life? When my husband and I said, "I do," 10 years ago, I never imagined that this is where we'd be. But here we are. Here I am.

Our daughter is 5 years old and we are FINALLY expecting our second child later this year. We had begun to believe that we'd never have another child and just when I found myself being OK with that, I found out I was pregnant. We all were over the moon excited. It's been a rough pregnancy. Totally different from my first. The second trimester has been so refreshing so far. I feel a million times better and I can finally enjoy being pregnant. I never imagined that I would give birth to this child without his/her daddy there. I never imagined that I'd be here but here I am.

There are more changes to come over the course of this year and each one makes me question, "Is this really my life?"

Yes. Yes it is. Even though it's a life that is hard, filled with uncertainty, and sure to be full of tears and changes, it's a life worth living. It's a life to be proud of. It's a life that's in God's hands and there is no better place to be. So, if  you see me in the future just know that I'm relying on the Lord and doing what I have to do and that is what's getting me through.

Whole30: Day 5

Today has been a rather unusual day. I had some things come up health wise which ended with me having blood work done. I'm OK, so don't worry.

What does this mean for my Whole30 challenge?

I'm not sure yet. At this point, I feel that I need to consult with my doctor before continuing and that appointment isn't for a few weeks. So, until then, I'm going to eat clean and healthy but not completely stick with the Whole30. If my doctor gives the OK, then I'm planning on starting over and completing the challenge.

I stuck with the Whole30 today but I haven't eaten a lot. Just haven't felt so great today.

As soon as I have my appointment and talk to my doctor, I'll let you all know if I will be starting the challenge over or not.

I will say, that up until today, I've felt amazing and have enjoyed the Whole30. So, I'm hoping I get the go ahead to continue!

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Whole30: Day 4

Woohoo! Another day is done!

I must say that eating this way has been easier than I expected. What do I miss the most? Beans! I knew it was going to be that way though! I love beans...black beans, garbanzo beans, white beans, etc. We used to eat beans several times a week! They are cheap, filling, and so yummy but it's a no-no on the Whole30. That's OK though because my meals have been so delicious! I will say that it does take an adjustment to rethink your meals without dairy, grains, carbs, legumes, and sugars. But it's forced me to get creative and so far so good! Even my hubby has been loving the meals!

Another hard thing has been saying goodbye to the scale. I have a love-hate relationship with that thing anyway. If I'm eating right and exercising, I get on the scale at least every other day. If I'm going through a rough patch, I don't even look at it. I had gone several weeks without weighing because I knew I was doing damage to my body and didn't want to see a physical number. I was very disappointed in the number it gave me when I weighed on day one but I'm feeling so good right now and physically my stomach isn't as hard or bloated as it was just a few day ago so it is KILLING me not to get on the scale and see if there has been a number change! I almost caved a few minutes ago but I want to do the Whole30 right so I didn't give in to the temptation! Aaaah.....

So what did I eat today?

Meal 1: two hard boiled eggs and the other half of my steak from last night. I always wondered why people wanted steak for breakfast. Now, I'm wondering why I haven't eaten it for breakfast before now! So good!

Meal 2: an apple with almond butter and some cashews. Weird? Kinda. I honestly wasn't that hungry for lunch. I was mostly tired which can be from a number of things from lack of sleep while my daughter was sick and it just being the beginning stages of the Whole30. I knew I needed to eat but just wasn't feeling cooking and there were no leftovers to heat up as I had given the hubby the last of the tomato soup for his lunch. The meal was great though and satisfying.

Meal 3: stir-fry of onions, red bell pepper, zucchini, and left over steak. I cooked it in coconut oil and seasoned it with salt, pepper, curry powder, garlic powder, and some chili powder. I of course split it with the hubby and we both loved it! I will definitely be making this again!

I'm really happy that I decided to embark on this journey! There have been a few times where I've craved other foods or wanted the convenience of making a sandwich but I know that this is the right thing for me right now and I don't plan on sabotaging it! I hear that the further you get into the Whole30 journey that the craving for junk subsides and you begin to crave the real, whole foods you been eating! I like the sound of that!

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Whole30: Day 3

Day 3 is complete. I had some doubts about today only because I was up all night with my daughter who has a stomach virus. I was tired and the convenience of eating cereal was tempting. Plus, I had plans to go to the grocery store this morning for a few more things and I was worried how I was going to fix us all lunch. But in the end, I prevailed, and it felt GOOD!

I didn't eat breakfast until around 10:30 this morning. I finally got to lie down in my own bed about 7 AM so breakfast was late. I ended up cooking two eggs and putting a homemade salsa of tomatoes, green onions, cilantro, and diced avocado on top.

Since I had breakfast so late, I didn't eat lunch until around 2 PM. My dilemma of what to serve was resolved because well, my daughter was only consuming fluids and my husband didn't get to come home for lunch. I reheated the chicken dish I had made for lunch yesterday and added a few extra cashews on the side. It was still yummy today!

My husband had been gone for almost a month for some training so I decided that steak should be on the menu tonight. He got back late last night. So for supper we had steak and asparagus. He had a side salad and I had half an avocado. He gobbled his dinner up in a hurry. I guess they didn't feed him well at training! :)

I'm praying that we've seen the last of the stomach bug. My daughter has been miserable all day and neither of us has gotten much rest. I am also praying that me nor my husband get it either. It's a nasty little thing.

Onward to day 4! I have to say, that I'm really feeling good and I don't feel restricted in anyway like I thought I might.

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Whole30: Day 2

Day 2 is done!

Today was a good day. I love the encouragement that I'm receiving from you all. I spent majority of the day getting the house clean and going up and down the stairs for what seemed like a million times. That counts as a workout, right?

I went to the "bathroom" more than normal today but that's a good sign that my body is cleaning itself of the junk I had been poisoning it with.

For breakfast, I scrambled eggs in coconut oil and served it with half an avocado seasoned with salt, smoked paprika, cayenne pepper, and cilantro and a few slices of tomatoes seasoned the same. I ended up cutting up the tomato and avocado into chunks and mixing everything together. It was very good and filling.

  

 

I was sort of worried about lunch today. Don't get me wrong, I love a good salad but I can get tired of them quickly. One of the biggest problems people face when learning to eat healthy is learning what to eat. Some people get stuck in a rut because they only know a few things to eat and eat them over and over again. With the removal of dairy, grains, beans, carbs, and sugar from my diet, I have to rethink the way I eat. Especially at the beginning of relearning how to eat, it can be tricky and I can fall into that slump of eating the same things over and over again. I knew that I wanted to eat something else besides a salad for lunch today but I didn't know what. So, I got into the kitchen and looked around at what I had on hand and this amazing dish came together! I started out by sauteing some yellow bell pepper's in coconut oil. Then I added in mushrooms, tomatoes, pineapple, shredded chicken, and cashews. I seasoned it with salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and fresh cilantro. Since my daughter was eating it too and doesn't like wilted spinach, I did that in another pan and served my chicken dish over the top of the spinach. 2 thumbs up even from the five year old.

I got a little hungry between lunch and supper so I had half an apple with almond butter! I seriously love that combo!

For supper we had leftovers. This time I topped my bowl of chicken and tomato soup with the other half of the avocado, smoked paprika and cayenne pepper. It was still as good tonight, if not better, as last night!

I'm thinking of making a hash in the morning with leftovers from lunch today and fried eggs for meal one. We'll see. I already need to run to the grocery store again as I wasn't quite sure how much of what I needed before I got started and sort of guessed.

So far so good.

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Whole30: Day 1

Happy Easter!!!

Day 1 is officially in the books! Yay!

I started my morning off by weighing (yuck), taking measurements (yuck), and taking pictures (double yuck) before breakfast. I'm hoping my results will be amazing and I'll have enough courage to share before and after pictures but we'll see.

I'm not a big breakfast person because well, mainly I'm not a morning person. Before I began my healthy lifestyle, I rarely ate breakfast at all and when I did it was usually a granola bar or pop-tart. I eat breakfast everyday now but I still struggle with eating the best things. I'll still do a bar sometimes but it's usually a Cliff Bar. I try to eat things like oatmeal and Uncle Sam cereal and eggs on occasion.

One thing about the Whole30 is that they encourage you to see your meals as meal 1, 2, and 3, not breakfast, lunch, and supper. If you feel like leftovers for your first meal then go for it. I like that because I know me, there will be a morning where I'm just not feeling cooking breakfast and the option to heat up leftovers will be there waiting for me! :)

But for my first day, cooking breakfast was on the agenda and boy was it GOOD! I scrambled some eggs seasoned with salt and pepper, in coconut oil. Near the end I tossed in some fresh spinach and allowed it to wilt. On the side, I had half an avocado sprinkled with salt, smoked paprika, and cayenne pepper! YUM!

  

 

After church we came home and I fixed us salads. I threw some chicken breast in the crock pot yesterday afternoon to cook up for the week which makes things easier. So I had a beautiful salad of leafy greens and spinach with shredded carrots, sliced yellow bell pepper, diced strawberries, diced tomatoes, chunks of avocado, roasted pecans, and shredded chicken. I'm typically a ranch dressing kind of girl but that goes against the no dairy and additives rule so I topped my salad with extra virgin olive oil, a squeeze of lime, and a dash of balsamic vinegar! Total YUM!

Since we did our Easter traditions last week and it decided to storm here after church, we spent the day being lazy. For supper, I made a creamy chicken and tomato soup. How did I get it creamy with the no dairy rule? Coconut milk! I'm not kidding, this tomato soup was outstanding! The coconut milk really intensified the flavors of the soup! I added the shredded chicken at the end but next time I think I'll just leave it on the side and eat them separately. I served it over a bed of fresh spinach. I also had half and apple with organic raw almond butter! Double YUM!

One of the goals of the Whole30 is to eat enough of the right foods during your meals that you stay full from one meal to the next. Snacking is to be kept to a minimum. I have to say, I've tried diets and programs where I was starving all day long and I HATED what I was eating! Not today. Before church is over my stomach is usually making terrible noises and I'm thinking about lunch. Not today! I didn't feel hungry up until right before I ate my salad! I'm full now from supper! I'm interested to see how the next 29 days play out.

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

30 Before 30

Hello Blog! It's been a while!

If you follow my blog's page on Facebook then you already know that I've struggled since moving to Louisiana in January. Army life has not been easy. It's not that it's been overly hard, it's just taking some time to get used to, is all. Just when I think I'm getting back into the groove here comes another curve ball and I just haven't been strong enough to handle them food wise yet. I'm to a point where I'm sick of the struggle. I'm tired of it being hard. That's life though, right? I've sort of coasted over the last few months until about 3 weeks ago when I did a total face plant...right into diet soda and junk food hell! Even though it sort of felt like heaven in the beginning.

I've always been told that sin is good for a season. Meaning, that in the moment doing wrong feels good! It's later when the dust has settled that we face the consequences and feel the pain that living in sin causes. In the Bible, God says in James 4:17, "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." During my entire face plant, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I was wreaking havoc on my body physically and spiritually. Instead of resting in the LORD I was drowning in junk. And there have been negative consequences...unpleasant body functions, headaches, tiredness, feeling gross, and by far the worst, clothes that don't fit the same meaning weight gain! I'm not saying that if you partake in eating something that isn't "healthy" you are sinning, I'm saying that constantly filling my body with poison and doing it with an unhealthy mindset was wrong! It's one thing to enjoy a treat, it's another to gorge yourself! Gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins, after all!

So, what now?

I'm tired of the slippery slope. Until I'm strong enough to handle moderation, I have to narrow my focus and by narrow my focus, I mean cut out anything in my diet that can trigger a negative response to my addiction to food.

A year or so ago, I came across a blog. I can't even remember the name now but the writer had just turned 30 and before doing so she had created a list of 30 things she wanted to accomplish before she turned 30 and had incorporated those adventures into her blog. I liked the idea. I had every intention of doing a 30 before 30 list but never got around to it. Just a few days ago, I thought of it again. The only problem is, I turn 30 the end of next month! As I began to realize the depth of the stronghold I was in, I began to look for a way to get out. I had talked to my friend Clara a month or so ago about a challenge she was doing. She had experienced a similar face plant and had found steady footing with The Whole 30 challenge and way of eating. I decided at the time just to keep doing what I was doing. I started counting calories with a program on my phone. I bought a new exercise DVD. For about 2 weeks, it worked for me. I lost a few pounds and was feeling better. Then came the curve ball and that's when I face planted. So, as I am trying to climb out of this hole I've dug for myself, I found myself thinking about Clara and The Whole 30 again. I emailed her some questions, looked at the website, looked up recipes on Pinterest, and waited for her reply. Before she even called me back, I knew I had found what I was looking for but talking to her on the phone yesterday convinced me that this was what I needed...a healthy, real approach to eating.

So, I'm embarking on my 30 before 30 journey! It's not 30 things before I turn 30, it's 30 days of extremely clean eating before I turn 30. I'm starting tomorrow! Tomorrow is Easter! Are you crazy? I know that's what your thinking but we did our traditional Easter dinner and things last weekend when my parent's were here. So, yes, I'm starting tomorrow.  My challenge will end on the 29th of April. One day before my 30th birthday. I decided to do it this way, in case I want to eat cake on my birthday. The truth is, I'm hoping I don't but if I do, I can do it and it will be a treat, NOT a cheat!

For 30 days, I wont' be eating any grains (not even quinoa), dairy, carbs (except those naturally found in vegetables), sugar (except in a small amount of fruit), or additives (processed foods). Besides weight loss, there are other great benefits that come from eating this way and I'm anxious to see some of those results as well. I will be blogging every day for 30 days. I will include pictures of what I ate, how I feel, etc. I will be weighing, taking measurements, and pictures tonight or tomorrow but after that I'm not allowed to step on the scale for 30 days. So there wont' be any weight loss numbers to report til the end. I hope you'll stay with me through this journey! I need the accountability and encouragement!

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica