Writing, however, has always been a release for me. My thoughts always seem more clear and logical when I write them down. I will confess that there are several entries that haven't been posted for the cyber-world to read. Sometimes when I'm irritated or upset, I take to writing out my feelings about what has happened but once the writing stops and I take the time to read what I've actually written, I feel better and there is no reason to "air my dirty laundry" so to speak.
Is there really only 24 days left til Christmas? Normally, at this time of year, nostalgia kicks in and giddiness takes over. I'm like a kid all over again but this year, I'm feeling more like The Grinch instead of Cindy Lou Who. I'm really not sure why. I am usually itching to put up my Christmas tree the first of November. I hold off until after Abigail's birthday though. This year, not one single Christmas ornament can be found in our house. I really didn't have the chance to put the tree up after Abigail's birthday party and we were gone the whole week for Thanksgiving and then for Ryan's granddaddy's funeral. Now, I just can't seem to muster up any excitement for putting it up. I keep telling myself that I should at least do it for Abigail but I could really care less if we do it this year or not.
I know that gifts are not the true meaning of Christmas but if I'm being honest, it's one of my favorite parts of the Christmas celebration. Before Ryan and I got married, my parent's made me read, The Five Love Languages book. My top language was giving and receiving gifts. I absolutely love picking out and buying gifts for other people. Getting gifts isn't too bad either-ha! I spend a lot of time each year thinking about what the person likes and trying to pick out the perfect gift. But if I have the extra money throughout the year, I love to buy presents for others at random times, just to say I love you and I'm thinking about you. So, I guess I'm not The Grinch when it comes to gifts. I'm still excited about that part of Christmas.
I am also excited about having our first Christmas in Graceville. Ever since my family moved to Graceville, Florida, the summer of 2001, we have always spent Christmas in Georgia. We would have our family Christmas a couple days before heading out of town. And since Justin and I have both gotten married, the dynamics and traditions have changed. So this year, we decided that we didn't want to travel to Georgia, even though we will miss our family there, but we wanted to start our own traditions with our own children. Now, next year will be different because it will be our spouses turn to have Christmas with their families.
So maybe I shouldn't say I'm The Grinch after all. I truly am looking forward to many things about Christmas, most importantly, celebrating the birth of my Savior. One of my favorite Christmas songs is by a man named David Phelps. I can't remember the name of the song but my favorite part says, "He stepped from Heaven's hall to Bethlehem's stall, where a star lit His newborn face." Can you imagine Jesus leaving the splendor of Heaven to be born in a lowly manger? He gave up everything to become like us, so that he could be the propitiation for our sins. He truly was born in the shadow of the cross. Without Christmas we wouldn't have Easter or the promise of eternal life.
If I'm not The Grinch, who am I? Sometimes, I like to think I'm Buddy the Elf, so child-like and full of Christmas cheer. But not this year. Can you think of another fictional Christmas character who maybe, just wasn't in the Christmas spirit? One who didn't despise Christmas but just wasn't "feeling" it? If you do, let me know. Hopefully, I'll catch the Christmas spirit soon. I want Abigail to have the same fond memories of Christmas that I do.
I've also set a little blogging goal for myself. Since there is only 24 days until Christmas, I want to blog every day until then. We'll see how it goes.
I love to read your blog... I'm looking forward to the next 24 days!!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading them all, we will miss you in Claxton this year :(
ReplyDeleteI still think of you and Justin as kids... or maybe I don't want to admit how old I've gotten, at any rate, sounds like you are letting go of the trappings of Christmas. The real reason will be forever incased in your heart b/c of the wonderful family that you have... they made sure that you know that Christmas is so much more than a tree, stocking, gift, etc. I certainly hope my own child grows up to be such a special person as you have!
ReplyDeleteI always read your blogs Jess!!! I am super sad your not coming this year:( Hope your having a good week
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