Welcome to the Army Life

It's been a crazy, emotional, couple of days.

Monday was by far the hardest.

You see, on Monday, we dropped Ryan off at the recruiters office in Slidell and said goodbye for at least 9 weeks.

Back in January, he enlisted in the Army. You can read all about his decision and my thoughts about it here. We've had quite a few months to get used to the idea but the truth is, no matter how long you have to prepare for a separation like that, you're never really prepared.

We woke up early Monday morning and my parents picked the three of us up around 6:30 AM. We made the four hour drive to Slidell. Once we arrived we went by our friends house and picked up Ryan's car that we had left there when we moved. We then met more friends for lunch at Raising Cane's. After that, we went down the street to the recruiters office. They were waiting on another guy who was just beginning his process but was going to MEPS as well. We hung around the office with Ryan until the other guy showed up. I didn't want to be there to actually see him leave in the car with the recruiter so we stepped outside and said our goodbyes. That last "family hug" with Abigail is what did me in. I started crying and so did Abigail. Once in the car, I broke down a little, but I planned on driving us back since my dad was driving back Ryan's car and I knew I needed to pull it together. A few times in the first leg of our trip, I had to hold back tears and once we got back home and settled in our house, the tears came again. We had a dinner of "junk food" and went to bed. We both slept really good which was surprising. I think we were both worn out from the drive and the emotions of the day.

The first thing Abigail wanted when she woke up was her "kiss from daddy." On Sunday, Ryan worked on a project for Abigail that I had found on Pinterest. It's a jar filled with Hershey Kisses that says, "Kisses from Daddy!" Now, everyday she can still get a kiss from daddy even though he isn't here with us.

Luckily, we sent Ryan with his cell phone and charger even though the list said not to. I had read on a forum that you should send them anyway because some DS's let them use them when they get phone calls home and you'll get more time to talk with your spouse if they don't have to wait for a pay phone to open up. I was so glad we did because I received a couple of phone calls and texts on Monday as well as Tuesday.

When we woke up on Tuesday we got read and went over to my brother and sister-in-laws house to help paint Marlee's bedroom. Justin fixed us breakfast and we got started. We were able to completely paint the room and trim and get all of her furniture moved in and arranged. Marlee wanted Abigail to sleep in her new room with her so we stayed the night. We had a fun day and being so busy kept my mind off of Ryan being gone and not coming home anytime soon. A few times I started to get choked up when people would leave messages on my Facebook wall. You all don't realize how much all those messages and encouragements mean to me! I received the "scripted" phone call around midnight saying that he had arrived safely at Ft. Leonard Wood and would call when he could. I was glad to know he made it safely but I just wish I could have actually talked to him.

So, this morning. We got up and came back home. The house is a mess from the craziness of the few days before he left. I'm behind on laundry and I MUST get back on a good workout routine and back to eating clean. I still have at least 30 pounds left to lose and I want to look GOOD when I see Ryan for his BCT graduation sometime in August.

Thanks again for all the advice, encouragement, and prayers. Here is the last picture we took together before he left...

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Date Night

Last night, Ryan and I went on our last date night for a good long while.

It was great! Abigail spent the night with Nana and Papa so we didn't have to worry about rushing home and we were able to just enjoy our time together. In some ways, it felt like old times, when we were just newlyweds. We lived in Graceville back then and when we went out, it was to Dothan, Alabama and those nights usually consisted of dinner out and shopping. Which was exactly what we did last night.

My wonderful husband took me to Mikata to eat. I know it isn't what he really wanted but I love that he put my desires above his own. Mikata is a Japanese steak house and it's my favorite! We shared the dinner for two which consisted of Filet Mignon and shrimp and we also shared some spicy tuna sushi! Yum! We were stuffed when we left but it was sooo good!

After dinner we spent some time browsing some stores and shopping! Ryan needed a new watch and we've been having trouble finding one that he liked. After looking at several stores last night, he finally found one. He also picked out a gift to give Abigail tomorrow night before bed since we are leaving early Monday morning to take him back to Slidell. He's giving her the Merida doll for the upcoming movie Brave. And as part of her gift from him, I will be taking her to see the movie once it comes out. We are also working on a Pinterest project that is sort of like a countdown to when she gets to see Daddy again but it won't be ready until tomorrow. I'll post pictures once we are finished.

We wanted to go see Snow White and the Huntsman but it was getting late and I'm notorious for falling asleep during late movies so we decided to pick out a movie at Target to watch when we got home. We couldn't agree on a movie so we ended up getting season one of Big Bang Theory. We love watching the re-runs on TBS but we've never seen it from the beginning. Sheldon cracks me up! It was nice watching something funny and laughing together. It also kept my mind off the fact that we only have a short time left together.

Because of being so stressed lately, I haven't really had a chance to be sad or sentimental but as I was eating my fried rice last night, I had to blink back tears. I was enjoying my rice and watching the chef cook and thinking about how this was it for a while. Our 9th anniversary is June 14 and we have to drop him off on the 11th and he flies out on the 12th. We won't get to celebrate or be together on that day and he won't be here for Father's day and it sort of all hit me at once. Even today, as Abigail is still with my parent's and we are enjoying  a quite Saturday morning, I can feel the emotions starting to build. I want to be strong for Abigail but I'm afraid that Monday is going to be a lot harder than I have been anticipating.

Thankfully, my parent's are going with us to drop Ryan off on Monday. We are making the trip there and back all in one day and I was afraid that I might not be able to drive Abigail and myself back after saying our goodbyes. Plus, we left Ryan's car at a friends house so we didn't have to pull it behind the moving truck so dad's going to drive that back and mom will drive Abigail and I, if need be.

If you think about us over the next few days, please continue to pray for us.

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

A Jumbled Mess

I feel like my brain is a jumbled mess.

I have so much information floating around in there. Mix that with conflicting advice and worry and then it becomes a real problem.

By nature, I'm a worrier and a stress-er. I get easily overwhelmed and my coping mechanism is to completely shut down. However, I can't do that right now and my brain feels like it's going to explode!

We leave on Monday to take my husband back to Louisiana. We have to drop him off at the recruiters office in Slidell and say our goodbyes. We won't see him again until his graduation from boot camp sometime in August. Of course I am sad about him leaving but all the stress of getting him ready to leave keeps me from really being able to deal with that right now. I'm sure that won't really hit until the goodbyes are said and Abigail and I come home to an empty house without him.

Right now, the problem is making sure we have everything together and ready for us to leave on Monday. You know how, when you pack for a trip, you always have that nagging feeling that you left something behind that you really needed? I feel that way EVERY TIME I go out of town but I've only actually left something behind a couple of times and luckily they were things easily picked up when we got to our destination. There are so many important documents that Ryan needs to take with him when he leaves for Basic. Things that can't be picked up at a local store if we forget them. I'm a stressed out mess right now, constantly checking and re-checking the what to bring list. On top of that, we've received conflicting information on whether or not he should take the original documents or just copies. And even more on top of that, it seems like the recruiters keep losing things that we've already given them numerous times. It's all really frustrating. Especially being new to this whole Army thing, not knowing all the lingo, and feeling like you aren't really prepared even though you've watched the videos they've given you and poured through the online forums and paid close attention to the emails! I don't think I'm ready for this! I feel like there is so much that I don't know that I probably should know. Part of it's my fault because I'm also well known for my procrastination! Ugh!

So for probably the 20th time in the last couple of days, I'm about to re-check the what to bring list and hit the forums. I'm sure there will be another Wal-Mart run just to be on the safe side. By the time I'm done being overwhelmed with making sure he's ready to leave, I'll be overwhelmed with the fact that he isn't here and that I can't just call him or text him if I need to know something. I'll be waiting for that scripted phone call saying he's arrived and trying to fill mine and Abigail's days so as not to dwell on the fact he isn't here. I see a lot of trips to Hobby Lobby in my future. It's a good a time as any to start working on all those Pinterest projects that I've re-pinned!

Any Army wives out there with some advice?

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Cheap Rent and the Days Ahead

Life has been stressful lately...

and it's only going to get more stressful.

If you were hoping that this was going to FINALLY be a healthy living update. Sorry. It isn't.

I know you are curious and I promise one is coming but let's just leave it at...it hasn't been going so well and I have to take full responsibility for that.

This post is more or less an update on what's been going on in my life over the last couple of months and just getting some thoughts out of my head...

Back in January, my husband joined the Army. He's been in the delayed entry program so he hasn't gone to training yet. He leaves next week.

The initial plan was for Abigail and I to continue to live in Slidell, Louisiana while he was away at training. We had discussed the possibility of us moving closer to my parent's while he was away but financially we just couldn't afford it. I was fine with our decision. We have some really great friends and a great church family in Slidell. I knew that Abigail and I would have a support system while Ryan was gone.

Skip ahead a few months...Abigail and I were visiting my parent's in Graceville, Florida. My mom works as the secretary to the Director of Student Services at The Baptist College of Florida. Many times, when local residents have a home for rent, they contact the college and ask to put up a flyer on one of the many bulletin boards around campus. These things pass through my mom's desk before going up. So, as Abigail and I were visiting her at work one day she handed me a flyer that had just been brought into her office. It was for a two bedroom house with rent that couldn't be passed up. It was $300 less than what we were currently paying for rent in Slidell. My initial reaction was to shrug it off. We weren't moving to Graceville so it really was of no use to me but then I got to thinking....maybe I should just call the owner and take a look. It couldn't hurt, right? So, I did. The place was nice and again, the rent was CHEAP! After calling Ryan and talking at length about the possibility of moving, we came to the same decision we had before, we just couldn't afford to move no matter how much we wanted to.

I relayed the decision to my mom and that was that. Or, so I thought. God has placed some really great people in my life over the years and some of those people blessed us beyond measure! I got a phone call from a close family friend and was completely shocked...they offered to pay for our moving expenses! Seriously! Who does that!? I was floored by their generosity and love for my family. Tears come to my eyes as I think about it now. I'm sitting in that little house in Graceville, Florida with the CHEAP rent all because of them! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Everything fell into place. The landlord was kind enough to hold the house for us until we could move at the end of May. Abigail and I made our way back to Slidell to begin getting things ready for the move and to say goodbye to our friends. Ryan's last day at work was May 22 and thanks to the help of some wonderful friends we were able to load the truck and get on the road to Florida the very next day. My brother and his family met us at our new home in Florida to help us unload the truck. My parent's came over and helped too. That night we had everything unloaded into the house and by Thursday afternoon we were finished unpacking.

We have enjoyed the nearly three weeks we have had together as a family without Ryan having to go to work everyday. It has been so nice just being together all the time. We've spent a lot of time with my family and even Ryan's parent's came for a visit last week. We are so incredibly blessed!

We only have 5 days left together before we have to say goodbye to our wonderful husband and father! We are sad but we know that we have a great support system and that God is in control. We are proud of Ryan and his willingness to sacrifice for our country and to follow his dreams. The road ahead will be hard and lonely but God will see us through. Pray for Abigail and I as we adjust to life without Ryan for a while. Pray that I will be able to handle being a "single parent" over the next several months. Pray that Abigail will adjust to our new circumstances and that she will be brave. We've talked about being strong and brave while daddy is gone. She told me just last night that she couldn't and that she didn't know how to be brave. I reminded her that God is always with us and that He will show us how. "Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually!" Psalm 105:4

Pray also for Ryan. Even though he is about to embark on a journey he has dreamed about for a long time he knows that it will not be easy. Pray for his strength, his health, his witness, and his safety.

Thank you to all of you who have already checked up on me this week, offered encouragement and support, and prayed for us! We love you!

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Do the Works You Did at First

"Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first..." Revelation 2:5

You may be wondering where I have been lately and what the Bible verse has to do with it. The truth is, I haven't blogged in a while because I just didn't know what to say. My last several posts have been about my struggle in the recent months. I hit a plateau around the end of December and haven't been able to conquer it. I understand that reading about my struggles can be just as helpful as reading about my victories. My failures can be as inspiring as my advice but I didn't feel there was much  more to say than what I had already said.

Before I get to my use of the scripture above let me give you a brief recap of the changes I've made in my life over the last year:

* At the beginning of 2011, I decided to make a change towards a healthier lifestyle as I was overweight (obese, actually) and unhappy.

* I started slowly instead of making drastic changes all at once. I added fresh fruits and vegetables to my diet, cut way back on fast food, began to cook more at home, and did some low-impact exercises.

* I lost around 15 pounds by the end of April 2011.

* On Mother's Day 2011 I started The Couch to 5K running plan and began making more changes to my diet, and increased my level of exercise.

* I ran my first 5K in July 2011.

* By December 2011, I had lost a total of 50 pounds.

In December I set another goal for myself to lose another 30 pounds by my 29th birthday at the end of April...AND THEN I GOT STUCK. I hit a brick wall, a plateau, whatever you want to call it. The scale fluctuated every once in a while, up a pound or so, down a pound or so, but mostly it stayed at one weight. I came to terms that I probably would not reach my weight loss goal of 30 pounds in time but I was OK with that. I just never expected to still be ramming my head up against that brick wall in April. The first of April came and I STILL hadn't lost any more weight since December.

I kept making excuses but I knew the truth. I had become comfortable with the weight I was at. I looked better in the clothes that I wore so instead of giving it everything I had, I sort of coasted along. I ate healthy enough most of the week and kept a semi-consistent workout schedule so that when I indulged the other parts of the week, it didn't really affect my weight. I, however, noticed changes in my body, for the worse, even though the scale didn't register any weight gain.

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with my mother and I told her that I knew what it would take to get past this plateau but I just wasn't ready to commit to it. Even though I knew the answer, I wasn't mentally ready to do what it was going to take. But something changed for me right before Easter. My parent's were visiting us in Louisiana and we had gone shopping. This was the first time in a really LONG time that I tried on clothes and felt confident. It was the first time in a really LONG time that I didn't look in a mirror and feel huge or wish that I was just a little smaller so that the dress I liked would fit me. I bought an amazing Easter dress (first one in 3 years) and I felt good. I also bought the smallest size that I have worn in over 4 years...a 12! That is 6 sizes down from where I started! This confidence boost gave me what I needed mentally to keep going. Although I didn't really get started with my new plan until after Easter since I had decided to spend Easter with my family in Florida.

You're probably still wondering about the Bible verse. Today, I was marveling over the weight loss that I have been experiencing in the last week. Yes, I said weight LOSS! And this verse kept coming to my mind. I realize that this scripture is dealing with something else entirely but the truth of it resonates with what's been going on with me this week.

"Remember therefore from where you have fallen..." - last year, I was actively losing weight, changing my lifestyle, and getting healthier. So far this year, I've been coasting along, with my heart not really in it.

"repent..." - I had to take a serious look at what was going on in my mind and my heart concerning my health and weight loss and make a choice.

"and do the works you did at first..." - this was the key. I had to go back to the beginning of when I started this journey. I knew it was going to take serious commitment and serious changes in my eating and exercise habits...AGAIN!

When I first started out of this quest for a healthier lifestyle and a smaller waistline, I was eating extremely healthy...little to no processed foods, lots of lean meats and seafood, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, and I was drinking a LOT of water. As of late, I hadn't been doing very much of that. There was a lot of eating out, making poor decisions, eating processed junk and snack foods. But last Friday, I started anew. This week, I have been doing the works that I did at first, eating clean, drinking lots of water, and exercising more. I also haven't had a Diet Coke since last Thursday and if you know me, you know that is huge. I have also upped my green tea consumption again.

I am so happy to share with you that I have torn down that brick wall and I'm moving forward. Since Friday,  I have lost 4 pounds and it feels GOOD!

I'm definitely no where near my goal for April but that's OK. I have less than two week until my birthday, so let's see how much I can lose (safely) til then!

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Still Struggling...

In my last post I told you that I was stuck. I've just had a really hard time since the beginning of the year. I had a couple of weeks where I just ate whatever I wanted and rarely exercised. Then I tried to get it back together and ended up losing the few pounds that I had gained. But ever since then, I have been stuck at this one weight. I know that I've got to do something different than what I've been doing and I also know that I've got to be more consistent with my eating. One of my problems right now is that I eat great about 5 days a week but I indulge a little too much about 2 days a week. Here lately, I've also been having days where no matter what I eat I can't seem to fill up. I am constantly hungry though out the day. And not just the I'm bored so I think I'm hungry. I'm talking that my stomach hurts and I feel sick because I'm so hungry. It's just plain weird.

Last week, I had a really bad day where I couldn't shake the negative feelings about my body. I had worked very hard the week before, upping my exercise and eating well consistently for all 7 days and the scale did not reward me. Once I gave in to those negative feelings, my emotions were all over the place and the negative feelings took root in other areas of my life. I no longer felt bad just about my weight and my body but about many other things. Luckily I have some great friends who encouraged me and gave me some sound advice and I was able to push those negative thoughts out and replace them with better ones.

I'm still struggling. I am so sick of the scale. At times the temptation is there to throw in the towel and give in. I'm not perfect. I don't have this figured out. But I do know that I've come too far to quit. I feel like if I can lose the next five pounds and get out of the slump that I am in that I will be able to focus better and continue on. But right now, I am stressed about the scale and maybe that's the problem. I've always been a stress eater. It's a struggle to eat healthy when I'm stressed. I still crave a big, greasy, sloppy hamburger when I feel that way. So I'm going to do some things differently. It will be trial and error until I can figure this out. I may end up gaining weight (I hope not) trying to figure it out but I've got to find something that works for me and soon.

The first thing that I am going to do is retire the scale...for two weeks. I weighed this morning so that I would have a true starting weight but after that I'm going to resist the temptation to step on it. I have to remember that I am not defined by a number on a scale. Yes, the scale is a measuring stick on how well I am doing with my healthy living and yes, I still have weight to lose so I'm going to need that scale but it's time for the two of us to take a break.

Secondly, I've contacted the head of personal training at my gym. I gave him a brief background on myself and what I am looking for and I'm waiting to hear back from him. I may not be able to afford any personal training at this time but I am hoping to get some advice and a little help from a professional.

Third, I've got to get over some fears. The gym can be intimidating. I'm a people watcher so don't give me that crap that nobody is paying any attention to me because I'm sure that I'm not the only person that goes to the gym and watches other people. There is also the fear of failure AND the fear of success. I'm sure you can understand why the fear of failure is there but success, really? Yes, what happens if I succeed? What happens if I get to my goal weight? Will I be able to maintain? What if I slip up and gain weight back? It's time to stop being afraid. Easier said than done though, right?

And fourthly, I've got to do some serious tweaking to my diet. I am hoping to get some advice on this when I sit down with the trainer at the gym. I've never been one to count calories. I hated counting points when I was doing Weight Watchers online a few years ago. I like things to be simple and easy but I may have to get over what I want and do what I need to do.

Living a healthy lifestyle is NOT easy. It's seriously one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I've had to change so much about my life. It's all been worth it and the truth is that even though it's been hard, I've enjoyed it. My friend Clara who recently had an epiphany about her weight loss journey and the plateau she had been experiencing likes to use this quote and I find it very appropriate:

CHOOSE YOUR HARD.

Peace,  Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica

Stuck Like Glue

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you beforehand but I've been on a blogging break. I intentionally neglected you! Sorry about that! I had to.

Why?

Well, it seems that I had gotten really good about giving advice but not so good at taking it.

Have you ever been stuck? I mean, literally, stuck? Children get stuck all the time because they try to fit there bodies into spaces that aren't big enough for them. I can't tell you how many times over the last four years that I've answered the cry of my daughter only to find her stuck somewhere she wasn't supposed to be in the first place. I recall a time, not too long after my husband and I were married, that I got stuck.

Underneath the edges of our small kitchen table was this decorative "metal." The pattern on the inside of it was sort of loopy and open. One day, while having a discussion with my husband, I absentmindedly put my hand through one of the loops. It was a tight fit but I got in through there and then I couldn't get it back out. Now, I have a tendency to panic but at first, I calmly tried to pull my hand back out and couldn't and that's when the panic set in. I interrupted our conversation and begged my husband to help get me out. Well, he wasn't helping me fast enough and the panic kicked up a notch and I began to cry for him to get my daddy. I wasn't married long enough yet to realize that I should allow my husband to help me and not go calling for my daddy. But hey, my daddy can fix anything, and I wanted to get my hand back. I now know that my husband is great at fixing things. He is completely calm and level headed in any situation and I'm most definitely not. He got my hand out just fine.

Have you ever noticed that the majority of the time you are stuck, just like a child, it was because you were somewhere you weren't supposed to be. My hand wasn't supposed to be in the metal part of the table.

I haven't been stuck anywhere physically lately but I've been stuck mentally. One of my main goals for 2012 was to lose 30 pounds by my 29th birthday at the end of April. I am here to tell you that I've only lost 3 pounds towards that goal. In the last few weeks I have gained and lost 2 of those pounds over and over and over again. I've been stuck in my weight loss. Why? The answer is the same as before. I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. I was doing something I wasn't supposed to do.

The somewhere I wasn't supposed to be was...the couch. I was supposed to be outside running, or at the gym, or even inside doing a workout video but most recently I've been on the couch. The something I wasn't supposed to be doing was...eating things that are bad for me. I've grown completely slack in how I eat. Instead of enjoying things in moderation every once in a while, I've been enjoying the "bad" things on too much of a consistent basis.

I've been giving advice and not taking it. I know the right things to say and I know the right things to do but knowing something and doing it are two very different things. I've grown comfortable where I am. I feel better about myself, I look better in the mirror, and even though I've said it before that I don't have it figured out, the truth is I thought I did. I was not only comfortable but I was cocky. And that my friends, is a dangerous place to be. It was.

Over the last few weeks, even months, I've struggled with my love for food. I've struggled with my addiction to food. I DO NOT HAVE IT FIGURED OUT and I probably never will.

I had planned on not blogging again until I had finally gotten out of the 160's and back on track. After a long conversation with my  mom over the weekend she reminded me that people need to hear my struggles. After all, that's probably why most of you started reading my blog in the first place. I know that the advice is good and helpful but sometimes just knowing that someone else struggles the same way you do and doesn't have it figured out is a much better help than any advice.

I don't want to be stuck anymore and I'm doing my best to get unstuck. The thing about being stuck is that most often you can't get yourself out, you need help. Here is me asking for help. If you think about me this week, pray for me. Leave me a comment. Send me a message. We're in this together.

I'm off to take advantage of this beautiful weather and go for a walk with my daughter.

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,

Jessica