It was NOT me who decided to buy my two year old a Watermelon Slush from Sonic. And it defnitely was NOT me who gave her the whole thing to drink while in her carseat in the back seat of my vehicle.
After leaving Sonic, it was NOT me who passed the on ramp to the interstate which was the quickest route to our friends house. I did NOT have to drive out of my way and I also did NOT get caught in school traffic. I absolutely did NOT pass the shortcut to our friends house. I did NOT drive a little ways down the road and did NOT try another shortcut that I hadn't personally used before. I also did NOT get lost in the subdivision twice before getting back on the main road. It was NOT me who had to sit in traffic for 10 minutes for more to take my next turn.
Remember the slushy...Well, while sitting in traffic, I did NOT hear my child saying "oh no" repeatedly. It was NOT me who turned and found her straw sticking out sideways from her Sonic cup. It was also NOT me who grabbed the cup, dripping the slushy all over my car. I did NOT find napkins in the glove compartment. I was definitely NOT me who had to hold the extremely cold slushy in one hand and drive with the other until we finally made it to our friends house.
It was NOT me who had a birthday last week. My friend did NOT bake me a double chocolate heart cake for my birthday. It was NOT me who ate a piece bigger than I care to admit. My child did NOT ask for a candle to "lick" since the other kids were doing so. And I absolutely did NOT tell my friend that she could have one. My child did NOT come up to me and say she was done and hand me the candle. Half of the candle was NOT missing. It was NOT my child who "ate" half a birthday candle instead of licking it! Stuff like this NEVER happens to me.