This week has been one of the better ones that I've had in a month. Some of the weight I've been carrying around has felt like its been lifted or at least lightened a little. Until today. Today, I have felt irritated and angry. The slightest things set me off. I recognize that these emotions are irrational but I cannot seem to control them. I began to wonder, "why today?" And then I remembered that tomorrow I have my post-op follow up appointment. Tomorrow, I have to relive one of the worst days of my life. Tomorrow, I have to look at pictures from my surgery and ask questions that I need answers to because I was too groggy from anesthesia when the doctor came in and talked to me after surgery. Tomorrow, I have to discuss further testing and my body's ability to carry future children. I'm angry today because I wonder if my world will come crashing down again tomorrow.
Technically, it's already tomorrow. I have a lot to do before my appointment. First of which is sleep! I'm going to keep my mind occupied until then and no matter the outcome, I'm going to spend tomorrow evening with my family and friends, being thankful for the life I have even if it's not the life I imagined a month ago.