Thursday, October 25, 2012

Choose Your Hard

My life has been utterly crazy this year. A lot of changes occurred that I honestly didn't expect to happen as last year drew to a close.

I was telling a friend the other day how last year during the holidays I was able to stay completely focused and on track with my healthy lifestyle but sometime after the first of the year, everything came to a stand still. Most people struggle during the holidays to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I mean, we are overwhelmed with parties and family gatherings, and the central theme is usually food. This food is often high fat, high calorie, and highly processed! But I stayed strong, I ate as healthy as I could and only tasted dessert if it was something I just couldn't pass up. I actually managed to lose weight in November and December last year.

About mid-January I ran smack into a brick wall and it didn't budge. I made several feeble attempts at tearing down the wall or at least climbing over it in the coming months but in the end I had nothing to show for it. I actually gained some weight back. Thankfully it was less than 10 pounds but still, that it so disheartening after so much progress. What happened? happened! My husband enlisted into the U.S. Army, he quit his job, we moved to Florida only about three weeks before he had to report for BCT, I said goodbye to him, missed him more than words can say, learned how to solo-parent while he's away, began watching my niece on a daily basis, started home-schooling both my daughter and my niece, took my first airplane flight to see my husband graduate BCT, said goodbye again, had to deal with the heartache and loneliness again, dealt with issues with my rental house and my husband's vehicle, etc, etc, etc.... I really could go on but you get the idea. Life has been a little on the hard side this year and I let some of these things control me instead of taking charge of the situation. I ate poorly, rarely exercised, and barely slept! Again, I made some attempts to get back on track but none of them lasted very long. Truth is, although I wanted to lose more weight, my heart wasn't in it and eating the food made me feel good (until I was finished and regretted it).

Sometimes, it takes an eye-opening situation to get you over the brick wall. And I had one. It happened after I saw my husband again for the first time in over 2 months at his BCT graduation. I had told him before he left that while he was away, working so hard, that I would be doing the same thing at home. I had for a bit. I did about a month of P90X and then gave up when I didn't see the results that I had expected. There he was looking so handsome and skinny and I felt awful and disgusting. Honestly, I did. I feel yucky when I've been eating junk for too long and I really felt gross. I know my husband loves me no matter what size I am but I wanted to look as good for him as he looked and I knew I didn't. It still took me a bit after I came home to get back on track because I was still letting my emotions control me. I was tired, lonely, and depressed. Seeing him for only 2 days was awesome but torturous at the same time!

I finally realized that if I want to feel better about myself the next time I see him, I have to get my act together. Now, my healthy lifestyle is all about health, how I feel, etc but there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself for your spouses sake if you are doing it in a healthy way. So I decided to do what worked for me before...The Couch to 5K. I also decided to give up sweets and processed sugar until my daughter's birthday party in  November. It was 55 days until her party on the day I decided to do it. I started C25K the same week. I am now 6 weeks into my C25K training (I still have 2 days left to do of week 6) and I only have 16 days left of no sweets! And I have made progress! Major me anyway. I hit one of my big weight loss goals a week or so ago. I'm super proud of myself for sticking with it. I have about 4 more pounds to lose to hit one of my major goals and as soon as that happens there will be a blog post about it.

I'm sort of feeling stuck again. I don't know what it is about making progress that makes you a little more lax in your eating but some how it happens to me over and over again. I'm still not indulging in sweets but I feel like I've allowed more and more other stuff into my diet over the last week or so. I'm all for having allowances in your diet but only every once in a while. So if I want to get to meet that major goal, I've got to continue to buckle down and do the hard things. Because let's face it, no matter where you are on your journey, living a healthy lifestyle is hard, life itself is hard. Choose your hard!

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,


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