Monday, January 21, 2013

Once an Addict, Always an Addict

Now that we are officially settled in our new home on Fort Polk, I can finally get back to blogging and back to trying to live that healthier lifestyle.

 I won't lie. It's been a huge struggle the last few weeks, the past month really. I decided this year to enjoy the holiday and not to really worry about what I ate. Bad decision. My hubby came home from all of his training a few days before Christmas. Greeting him at the airport was AMAZING! Our lives have been extremely hectic since he came home though. Between Christmas with my family, traveling to visit his family and have Christmas with them, coming home to get the house organized and cleaned before the movers came, living with my parent's for a couple of days after our house was packed up, moving to Louisiana, living out of a hotel room for a week, and finally having our stuff delivered and getting our new home set up...the bad decisions just kept stacking up. Every time I made a poor decision, I knew what I was doing. I kept justifying the decisions to myself, saying things like, "you never eat like this anymore, you can't really cook right now so just enjoy it, you can get back on track after things settle down." That's the problem with being a food addict or any kind of addict, I guess. We think we are strong enough to do the thing we are addicted to for a while and then go back to doing things the right way. But it's nearly impossible. You have to go through those things all over again...the high, the low, the guilt, the withdrawal, the disappointment in yourself. In plain sucks! And once you've gone through all of those things you have to do the even harder part. You have to continuously make the right choice. Eventually it will get easier the longer you make the right choice but in the beginning, it's one of the hardest things. You feel amazing when you make the right choice. You feel on top of the world but just because you made the right choice a breakfast doesn't guarantee that you'll make the right choice at lunch. The struggle will be there again. Your mind will tell you that the greasy hamburger is so good and the Cajun fries are amazing. It will tell you that you can have the "bad" lunch and still stay on track. Your mind will LIE to you over and over and over again. There might come a day once you've been on track for a while and you are stronger, mentally and physically, that you can have that "bad" meal and get right back on track without missing a beat but if you are just coming off of a month of giving into your addiction, then that hamburger and Cajun fries is the WORST thing you can possibly do in that moment.

And folks, that's where I am right now in my journey. After hitting a MAJOR weight loss goal (never had a chance to blog about it), my weight is back up and I'm at ground zero once more. I take full responsibility for my actions and it's my responsibility to get back on track and stay there. I know I won't be able to do it without the help of my support system. I am thankful for them. My mom, even though we are separated by many miles now, continues to be my biggest supporter. One way that I am staying accountable is by continuing to create a weekly meal plan. I then email her my plan and any recipes that she needs and she and dad will basically be eating the same things that I eat during the week. It keeps me accountable and makes her life easier! :) One other way of staying accountable to my exercise plan (which has been non-existent for almost 2 months due to illness and then the holidays and moving) is signing up for a 5K. The hubby and I are going to run together in a Valentine's Day 5K here on post. I better get back to training so he doesn't have to  drag me off the side of the road. How utterly unromantic would that be? :)

Well, I had intended for this post to be a recipe post for the Ham and Cheese Quinoa Bites but I think I'm going to have to do that in a separate post. Apparently there were some things that I needed to get off of my chest!

Thanks for listening!

Peace, Love, and Healthy Living,



  1. Jessica, I am completely feeling where you are coming from! In the midst of chaos, food can become comfort rather than sustenance and the "guilt" reel in our minds makes it all worse. Best of luck getting back on track; it is wonderful that you have a definite goal to work toward. Hope everyone stays healthy, and settles in well to your new home.

  2. I love how you will be accountable with your mom via the weekly menu. Cool idea. I relate to much of what you have said. The holidays really messed with me too. I love reading your blog.. you are strong willed, you will get your groove back! Congrats on your decision to run the 5K.. you won't be found in a ditch.. I assure you!